Before you start · for whoever is leading
Note for group leaders: some of us grew up in environments without boundaries, so our identities were formed skewed; the phrase I feel so violated is boundary language everyone already uses. When the group practices expressing a violation with care, keep the scenarios light, the kind of offense that actually happens in a young community, and let people take turns supporting the relationship, empathizing, telling the truth, and setting the limit. How would we treat someone who doesn't identify as one of us while reflecting the nature and character of God? That is where we go to God in prayer and remember our need to need God in every moment: gentle as doves, moving with wisdom.
The first thing God does with a formless world is start separating things.
Read what gets divided from what in the first days of creation.
Then read what Jesus says to do when a boundary between believers is crossed.
Genesis 1:3-8 | Matthew 18:15-17
Tap a tool, then tap words. Highlight what gets your attention · underline what God is doing or saying · circle a repeated or unfamiliar word.
Read it aloud, then give everyone two minutes to mark it in silence.
Read both passages slowly. Notice what God separates from what, and the steps Jesus gives when someone sins against you. What details stand out? What surprises you?
Genesis 1:3-8: God separates light from darkness and waters from waters.
Matthew 18:15-17: Jesus gives a pathway for when a boundary is crossed.
Mark it:
- Underline what God is doing or saying.
- Circle a word that repeats, or one you don’t understand.
- Highlight whatever gets your attention, even if you can’t say why.
Genesis 1:3-8
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Matthew 18:15-17
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Genesis 1:3-8
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Matthew 18:15-17
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NET Scripture quoted by permission. Quotations designated (NET) are from the NET Bible® copyright ©1996, 2019 by Biblical Studies Press, L.L.C. netbible.com
What stood out?
Go around the room. Each person reads one thing they marked. If you know why it stood out, say so. If you don’t, “it just stood out” is a complete answer. Nobody explains, nobody corrects.
Your markings are saved on this device and will be here when you come back.
Boundaries
In order to reflect the nature and character of God in caring for one another, we must have boundaries. A boundary is a line where one thing ends and another begins. Boundaries in relationships help us know where we end and someone else begins; they help us identify and express how we want to be treated by others and how we want to engage the world around us. See it. Say it. Do it.
God created boundary lines from the beginning: separating light from darkness, the waters above from the waters below, land from sea. That gave us day and night, and we all live within these natural boundaries. Let us make human beings in our image, to be like us (Genesis 1:26): to be like us, but not us. We are not God, and He is not us. We are connected, but separate. Practicing Sabbath allows us to reflect God's nature and character within the boundaries of time.
God also created parameters around how He is willing to be treated and engaged by His covenant people, when He gave them the law (Exodus 20). He set expectations, so that the Israelites would know that being connected in relationship with God means upholding these agreed-upon values. Do not hold someone accountable to an expectation you have not communicated. To be clear is to be kind.
And Jesus had boundaries. Jesus repeatedly withdrew from the crowds, the ones who needed something from Him, to pray (Luke 5:15-16). Whatever else we learn from those moments, they show that withdrawal, prayer, and communion with the Father were not interruptions to His ministry. He didn't operate out of just giving or just receiving; He lived into both. He went to be with His Father. He practiced Sabbath. And when He clears the temple (Luke 19:45), He is upholding His Father's expectation in His own house, holding covenant people accountable to covenant boundaries.
So what does a boundary look like in your relationships? Know who your people are: who has God entrusted to you to care for, and who has God entrusted to care for you? You need safe people; acknowledge that need. You need to be a safe person; acknowledge that expectation. Be interested over interesting, and be a good listener. Let vulnerability and honesty be part of your relationships, with wisdom: don't share everything when you first meet, and be faithful to hold what is shared without gossip or judgment. Give and receive. And be faithful to God in loving others without trying to fix them. We don't get to change God's outcome for ourselves or anyone else; our part is to encourage each other to walk full of faith, to call out where we recognize God in each other, and to walk with each other.
When a boundary is violated, Matthew 18:15-17 gives a pathway. Its immediate context is sin within the community, so reading it as a guide for boundaries in general is an interpretive step, and a reasonable one: it is an expectation based on being in covenant community operating out of shared values. Your job is to be faithful, acknowledging that you cannot control the outcome. Boundaries are not intended to control another person; they give a pathway for how you will interact with someone who steps outside your shared value system. And when your own boundary is violated: pray first, grieve, ask for wisdom, and share your feelings about the loss with God. Then use wisdom about how to move forward, expressing the violation with care.
In order to reflect the Nature and Character of God in caring for one another we must have boundaries.
Read this one out loud.
Discussion questions
- Who has God entrusted to you to care for, and who has God entrusted to care for you?
- Where in your relationships do you need to see it, say it, or do it: identify a boundary, express it, or keep it?
Write it out.
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Let’s pray together
Pray for wisdom for each person's hardest relationship, without naming anyone who is not in the room.
Pray for the grace to be a safe person, and for safe people for each other.
- Where do you need to express a limitation the way Jesus did?
- What loss connected to a crossed boundary do you need to grieve with God?
Leave space for silence, listening, and Spirit-led prayer. If someone senses a word, a Scripture, or a picture for another, offer it gently and pray into it.
Let’s pray
Breakthrough is when God's Kingdom breaks into your reality: His wisdom where a relationship is tangled, His rest where you have been endlessly available. Pray from that Kingdom, not toward it.
Be still for a moment. Open your hands and simply pray: “Come, Holy Spirit.”
Write down where you need to express a limitation the way Jesus did, and any loss connected to a crossed boundary that you need to grieve with God. Pray for wisdom about how to move forward with care, and write down any encouragement, Scripture, or impression you sense while you pray.
You can pray more than once. Stay present, and trust that God is at work. Take your time; there is no hurry.
Choose one. Say it out loud so someone else hears it.
Next time you gather, share what you practiced and how God used it, not for pressure but for encouragement.
The reminder downloads as a calendar event. Open it and it lands on your calendar for tomorrow morning.
Done.
In order to reflect the Nature and Character of God in caring for one another we must have boundaries.